(Written in the early morning hours before sunrise.)
Winds continue to blow during these overnight hours, perhaps influencing a few chaotic dreams somewhere. Regardless of the cause, I am awake this early morning hour and writing instead of asleep and dreaming; chaotically or otherwise.
I'm told that often the light of the moon can have a chaotic effect on people and their dreams (the brighter the reflected moon light, the more amplified the problem). Thank goodness the moon set just over three hours ago or this temporary insomnia might have been influenced by two sources as opposed to one.
There was a time in my life when lack of sleep was caused by anticipation and wonder. What interesting experiences will the next day bring? What new forms of knowledge will I learn about? Then a period arrived when a heavy investment in work provided little time for sleep, let alone pondering. This was followed by a time of worry induced insomnia that eventually led to a middle-aged existence of “it-is-what-it-is”. The nights of the middle-aged person either let one sleep, or wakes one with reminders of what was forgotten the day before or needs to be done tomorrow.
At 46 I find myself moving into a “whatever” mode. The whatever part of the “whatever” mode descriptor is beginning to dominate daily life. There is a recognition that a what-will-be-will-be attitude is dominating a I-have-to-do-this-right-now-or-the-world-will-end attitude and that can be a good thing at times. Stress and impatience have given way to take-your-time-and-do-it-right: a mentality whose advice I should have been following all along.
What once came naturally has turned into conscious effort. What was the unending energy and potential of youth relatively unaffected by dietary intake is becoming a conscious effort that is easily worn thin, if attention is not paid to nutrition and exercise.
Yes, there are aspects of aging to be enjoyed, such as the blessing of the “whatever” mode, just remember not to let the I-have-to-make-a-conscious-effort mode leave you grumpy. It's all good if you do your best to negate negative attitudes even if at times your efforts fail.
Wouldn't you know it? Those high winds have finally slowed. Who knew writing could have such a powerful influence?